How to See People Past Their Mistakes

If you want to see people the way God sees them, start with one shift: listen for the redemption in someone's story before you react to the failure in their behavior. That single change reshapes how you ask questions, how you listen, and how you respond when the conversation gets uncomfortable.

Most of us do not struggle to notice what is wrong with people. We struggle to believe something better is still possible for them. And when we cannot believe it, we stop pursuing them.

Jesus shows us another way in John 4. On His way back through Samaria, He stops at a well in a Samaritan village and sends His disciples into town for food, knowing a woman was on her way to draw water. He is not there by accident. He is there in pursuit.

Everyone Has a Story Worth Hearing

As Jesus begins talking with the woman, she slowly realizes He knows far more than she assumed He knew. He reveals certain things. He asks certain questions. He leads her toward a deeper understanding of her own story and what He wanted to do inside of it.

You and I are not Jesus. We do not walk into every conversation with a full understanding of the person in front of us. We do not know who they are married to, how many children they have, or what trauma has shaped them. But Jesus gives us a window here into how to engage someone, because their story is worth hearing. Everyone has a story.

It starts in John 4:10, where Jesus says, "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask Me, and I would give you water."

If you have your Bible open, circle the word gift. It seems almost inconsequential in the conversation, but it is doing enormous work. Jesus is setting the stage for what He sees in her. He wants to do something in her life, her mind, and her heart. He wants to transform her, and it is entirely possible if she will receive it. In one sentence, He tells her He wants to redeem her.

What Does It Mean to Be Redeemed?

That word can be confusing in our context. We rarely use it in English anymore except when we are talking about coupons and sales. But redeem is a deeply spiritual word, a concept that began in the Old Testament and took a new form in the New Testament.

The word itself means to buy back, or to set free and rescue. More precisely, it means to rescue and recover something through the payment of a price.

We see the concept in the story of Ruth and Boaz. Boaz was a close relative who stepped in at a moment when a family had experienced deep loss. He protected them, he provided for them, he preserved their name and their lineage, and he restored what otherwise would have been lost. He is called Ruth's kinsman redeemer. He invited her back into the family where she would have been ostracized. Without him, she would have been lost. He bought her back and brought her in.

So redemption in the Old Testament is profoundly relational. It is not only that someone paid what I could not pay. It is that someone had the resources, the authority, the position, and the willingness to step into my situation and recover what had been lost. That is why God calls Himself your Redeemer and mine in Isaiah 43. That is exactly what He did for us.

In the New Testament, redemption centers on a payment made, a ransom. This is why Jesus is called our Redeemer, because through His blood, through the sacrifice of the cross, we have the forgiveness of our sin according to Ephesians 1:7.

It is worth camping here for a moment. Redemption is not God making a situation that was not so great a little bit better, or a situation that was dark a little bit lighter. Redemption is God stepping into our world, inviting us back into the family, and reclaiming what sin had taken. He takes a story that has been marred and rewrites it into a new story of redemption and purpose.

How to See People the Way God Sees Them

So what is the first thing Jesus does? He sees the redemptive potential in the woman.

That is where this starts for you, too. When you finally get the attention of the person you have been pursuing and it is time to engage them, begin asking questions and begin listening to their story. But hear their story through the redemption story. Ask yourself what the redemptive potential in this person might be.

Jesus saw it in this woman. He knew what her story was. He also knew how He could ultimately rewrite that story and use it to point other people to His glory.

That is what He wants to do with all of us. He wants to take a broken sinner marred by the distractions of this world, set you free from sin, and forgive you by the blood of Jesus Christ. He wants to reclaim the life the enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy, as John 10:10 describes, and He wants to invite you into a new story and into purpose. For every man and woman you come into contact with, that is the desire of our loving God.

Everyone has a story, and every story has redemptive potential in Christ. We simply need to start looking for it in our conversations with others.

What Keeps Us From Seeing Someone's Potential?

Have you ever thought about that? In an ordinary conversation with someone, what actually keeps me from seeing their potential, from seeing them the way God sees them?

As I have worked this out in my own life, this is the primary thing that gets in my way: I tend to reduce people to their mistakes. When people mess up, I have a hard time giving them a second, third, and fourth chance the way that Jesus does for me. It happens because I am more concerned about their sin than I am about their story.

We do not want to reduce people to their mistakes. I do not want to look for justice in a situation. I want to look for justification in the person of Christ inside their story. That is how Jesus does it. He looks at the mistakes of this woman and sees what could happen, who she could become, and what potential lies within her story to bring glory to the Father. He simply says, "If you only knew."

Their Response Does Not Have to Dictate Your Response

Look at what she does next in John 4:11. She does what most people do. She resists Him. She points out that He has no rope and no bucket, and that the well is deep. Then she criticizes Him. Do You think You are better than us? Do You think You are better than the man who dug this well and gave it to our ancestors? Who do You think You are?

Jesus' response in that moment gives us a small window into what we do next. No matter what she said, He kept offering her a deeper and deeper level of love, acceptance, affection, and hope, until finally she broke and said, please, sir, give me this water. She did not even fully know what she was asking for at that point.

Here is a note worth holding onto. A lot of times we get into these conversations and the person says something that strikes us as untruthful, or something that triggers old pain in our own life. We react to it, and we create more problem than good.

The person standing across from you does not get to dictate your response. She threw shade at Jesus and He did not react. He let it roll right off His back. He simply said that anyone who drinks from that well will get thirsty again, but the water He gives is different. He went straight back to the redemptive potential, and eventually she received it.

Where to Go From Here

Learning to see people the way God sees them is not a technique you master. It is a discipline you practice one conversation at a time. Ask better questions. Listen longer than feels comfortable. Refuse to let someone's defensiveness set the temperature of your response. And when you are tempted to file a person under their worst decision, remember how patiently Jesus has refused to do that with you.

You have been redeemed by a God who stepped into your story and reclaimed what was lost. The people around you are one conversation away from discovering He wants to do the same for them.